Day 109

I had an Ellie solo day today (Matt had the 3 other kids). It was a super busy day on the ward with 3 fresh babies just admitted. I managed to get an hour of grumpy hugs. She pooed about 5mins into it and being nearly 4 months old, hates having a dirty nappy.

Ellie’s CPAP pressure was reduced today (a good thing), as was her morphine – assuming she doesn’t get too cranky she will be off that tomorrow. She is once again on more milk and less TPN (intravenous food). And the best news of all she finally smiled at me today! After smiling at doctors, nurses and for photos I finally got about 3 in the space of 5 minutes.

I just reread a card I received about two weeks ago. I can remember reading it and feeling strengthened, tonight I read it and felt a calmness and knowledge. One of the quotes in it reads:

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace-only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” (Anne Lamott)

My understanding of this has exponentially increased in the last few weeks.



Settled back in bed after a nappy change.

3 thoughts on “Day 109

  1. So glad Ellie favoured you with not just one, but 3 smiles – if she could speak, she would no doubt tell you how much she loves you and how safe it makes her feel having you there for her. What she doesn’t yet know, is that that’s how it will be forever more…
    So many of us have told you how amazed we are by the way you have coped over the past months, so yet more amazement – not only have you managed the physical, emotional, mental demands but you’ve found the capacity for incisive reflection and the maturity and wisdom to contemplate concepts like grace. Ellie’s middle name and the Hebrew meaning of Hannah are apparently no coincidence! xo


      • Gosh, I assumed you both knew the meaning of “Hannah”- you were wise to give Ellie the middle name of Grace – yes, you were right – but fancy the fact that you chose a name meaning “grace” or “favour” for her twin sister. If Hannah follows the lead of her Old Testament namesake, you’ll be blessed with LOTS of grandchildren (plenty of time for that MUCH later, say Matt and Debbie!)


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