Dear Hannah and Ellie,
I have to say the last 150 days seem to have gone quicker than the first, although I think it is they have just been less stressful.
I am really enjoying hanging out with you both at the moment. You are both smiley, happy and a joy to be around – you both seem to like me too, which is nice.
The respiratory team didn’t talk to me today, but I was told they weren’t super happy with your download Ellie but they are happy for you to stay at 23% and will do another download at 23% next week – a little cryptic, but I think they are just worried about your oxygen being weened again next week.
Ellie, Mummy has been jiggling you up a little after feeds, by accident so you have had a couple of little vomits today. Despite this you seemed quite happy. It was just later this evening that you had some bigger vomits (without Mums help) and were quite irritable. You seem quite healthy otherwise so you got some panadol and I am hoping it is just tooth pain that is upsetting you.
I’m so proud of you Ellie, you are doing amazing things and inspiring people. One nurse who has just left said you made her a better nurse, just by being you. You truly are an incredible person in your own right and I love you very much. I know you weren’t feeling well but I enjoyed sitting on the lounge hugging you while you were upset tonight, it felt like a homey thing to do. You are an incredible person who I believe will be able to achieve anything you choose too, even if it is something you have been told you will never be able to do. Your determination shows others that anything is possible if you choose to fight.
Hannah, you now have three teeth and I’m pretty sure you are working on another two. Not to be out done by your sister you also had a large vomit this evening, although your aim was better and both our clothes had to get washed. You are currently loving sitting up on your own, although you still throw yourself around a bit (we put pillows around you), your brothers love playing with you now that you are sitting up, it is so beautiful to watch.
You are still as smiley as ever, but you seem to want more hugs than usual I think your new teeth are bothering you a little. You are very happy to be hugged by people other than Mum, which is nice, just so Ellie can get some attention too.
You love spending time with the nurses, it seems to be one of your favourite things. You love sitting at their desk and watching them write notes and discussing medications, you have even been to some handovers and a bed meeting. The nurses here think you will probably be running the place one day. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if you became a nurse, but just remember you can be whatever you choose to be.
I’ve been looking at photos of when you were born today Hannah and boy have you come along way, many people don’t even believe you were ever a premmie. You inspire happiness and joy in all those you meet. Showing trust and love and teaching others despite what you have been through and the experiences you have had it is still possible to trust people and immediately try to brighten their day through your infectious smile.
I love you and I am so proud of you Hannah. You have a beautiful nature that captures the hearts of all those you meet.
I won’t lie to you both, this is really hard. I get really tired and I desperately miss the boys. Despite that never think you are not worth it and know I would go through it all over again if I had too. I love you both to the moon and back and am excited about the day (and all those in between) when you will both be able to read this.
I love you,