Day 362

This song seems to come on when I get in the car and am heading out, I like it, it gives me a boost when I think I can’t be bothered (not to see Ellie, but the drive, the hard work at the hospital, etc). It will be my blog tonight.

Que Sera – Justice Crew

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

I hurt my knee at the end of last week and amazingly enough was able to get an appointment in the brief time I was home this week. Turns out the way I lower the girls cot sides has damaged the fluidy bits around my knee. (It was explained to me much better!). Anyway that’s not really the point, the point is it reminded me that I probably should give a little bit of time to looking after me. And in terms of the lyrics, it showed that today was a win because of friends. For some reason today was hard. The boys, particularly Levi, is struggling being away from his parents so much and I find it hard being home for such a short amount of time, yet I’m also yearning to see Ellie. A friend and an unexpected gesture (plus good news about my knee) made my hard emotional day a win.

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

I was overwhelmingly welcomed today by the nurses. As much as they love Granma they were pretty stoked to get an extra day of seeing the girls together.

Saying la la la la

Que será?

Whatever will be, will be. This reminds me of my Nonno. I’m not sure what he would have said in our current situation but he had pretty crappy lungs too so I think he would have had sympathy for Ellie. And told us to do what needed to be done. Whatever will be, will be.

Yesterday is history oh!

You gotta get through it (Hei!)

Tomorrow is a mystery so

Let’s just do it (Hei!)

So glad yesterday is history. You never want to forget it, but you don’t want to relive it either. I think it will take me sometime to fully comprehend this year and yet over it emotionally and mentally. The inability to sleep without exhaustion, the need to cry randomly (although mostly in the car), the images I see when I close my eyes – the memories that will never leave me (not all so good).

Tomorrow is a mystery, who knows what is will bring! Miraculous healings, our hospital neighbours release, a vision of Ellie’s future, unlike Matt is struggle with change. But all this has taught me to embrace the mystery of each day and hope it is a winner.

And even when the rain falls

You and I, will stand tall (Hei!)

No matter what you go through

I’ll never leave you

This is my faith. God’s embrace has been there whenever I have needed it and it has brought us through some pretty crappy weather, to these brighter days with our kiddies.

So you gotta be strong (Strong)


I think Louise found this quote for me as well as many others.

Live by the words of the song (Song)

Together is where we belong (Long)

Never stop dreaming

Keep holdin’ on

We can’t give up, we have to keep hoping. Holding on to faith, holding on to our kids.

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

Saying la la la la

Que será?

When it’s been a long day

Had enough, givin’ up it ain’t okay

We don’t care what the world say

We spread love it’s the only way

Wow, the amount of times I have wanted to give up, thinking or saying aloud. Can’t do this anymore, I’m ready for it to be over. And other days I think it’s only just begun….. but criticism and negativity are something I really struggle with. Positivity and love are my strength and I hope will be my daughters as they try to achieve all they dream of in life.

So you gotta be strong (Strong)

Live by the words of the song (Song)

Together is where we belong (Long)

Never stop dreaming

I regularly dream of a future with my grown kids, all having the amazing opportunity to pursue their dreams and succeed.

Keep holdin’ on

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

Friends we know and some we don’t. The girls have touched many lives and many people have embraced our lives and carried us through.

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

Saying la la la la

Que será?

We keep falling but the

World keeps spinning and I

Might stop winning

Just as long as I got you by my side

We keep falling but the

World keeps spinning and I

Might stop winning

But I know that we’re gonna be alright

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

Saying la la la la

Que será?

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

Saying la la la la

Que será?

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

Saying la la la la

Que será?

At the end of the day

Some you win, some you don’t

So I’m glad that I’m here

With some friends that I know

Always there with a smile

Saying you’re not alone

Saying la la la la

Que será?
Y’all probably want to know about the girls now, right?? Well there isn’t a whole lot to tell. I’m glad I was here this afternoon, between nurses, doctors, retaping and booking in appointments for this week it took me an hour to get the girls out the door – poor Hannah was strapped in the pram for much of that.

Ellie looks great! Both girls have decided they don’t like chicken (there was gagging vomits and spitting involved in their decision). Ellie so far has been a dream. Hannah the last few nights has been hard work getting her to sleep and is waking frequently (I hoping it is just teeth) she is quite happy during the day – so possibly she is just being a ababy confused by her two homes.

I hope you all sang as you read tonight.

*Deb x

The girls gorgeous birthday bunting that is getting heaps of compliments and has really brightened up our room.

The girls after we finally got to go for a walk.

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5 thoughts on “Day 362

  1. Oh Deb beautiful cried the whole read….Nonno always sang those words to me “what will be, will be” his way of telling me deal with it the best way you can! I am sure he is looking down on you very, very proud of you and loving your children very much. Finish with his favourite line of the song (Doris Day version)…Que sera sera whatever will be will be the futures not ours to see que sera sera……Sure there is a lot to look forward to in your future and lots of sleep deprivation but it will be worth it 💖💖💖💖

    Liked by 3 people

  2. When I first heard that Justice Crew song, I immediately thought of my Dad and how he was always singing the Doris Day version. The future may not be ours to see, but Aunty Maria is dead right – so much for you to look forward to – the rewards will outweigh all the struggles. We are all so very proud of you! Much love xo

    Liked by 1 person

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