Day 361 – Change

I have always loved change, and often find it difficult to stick to one thing, mostly because I get distracted and excited about something else. Ellie has been going so well recently that it has made me start to ponder what life will be like when she comes home. Contrary to my usual disposition, I am filled with mixed feelings. Of course there is the obvious excitement of having our family back together and seeing Ellie grow up in a home as opposed to a hospital, but there are also hesitations.

Mostly, I think we are going to miss the nurses, for two main reasons. Firstly, as capable as we are becoming at looking after Ellie’s sometimes complex medical needs, it is very reassuring being able to double check things with a trained professional, or even just having their reassurance that you are in fact doing something correctly. Secondly, we are going to miss them socially. Our days are filled with adults popping in to entertain and chat to Ellie, and many of them have become great friends. As much as I am reclusive and love my alone time, it is going to feel quite unusual being by ourselves at first.

Anyway, like much of our past year, we don’t have much of a choice, and Ellie is the one determining our path from here forward. It will be interesting to get some official reports this week to see how the experts think she is going on the low flow (to us she seems to be doing fantastically).

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Day 358

Well my darling daughters awarded me two chunks of 2hrs of sleep after their very grumpy day. A bonus is they weren’t as bad today. Lots of crying between 5 and 6 but that is life with kids.

Some photos from our day today (sorry if you read to here, hit publish by accident….)

Ponna and some visitors

Getting snugly after a bath

Playing together is funny!

Day 351

Well every day we go down 100mls on Ellie’s low flow, we are down to 700mls today and still looking good.

Thursday is our quiet day, in that I just have to look after twins in hospital, we don’t have any scheduled appointments. This free time allowed us to go out for 2 hours today! We stopped back on the ward quickly halfway through for meds and an obs check. We walked and lounged around, generally just taking our time and getting use to the pram. Ellie had an incredible 1.5hr sleep and was quite shocked when she woke up in the pram outside. It was nice. Unfortunately it didn’t leave time for physio but Ellie is still doing a lot of sitting up.

Hannah is a bit grumpy at the moment, her mouth is sore which results in her being hungry and then she is in pain and hungry. Thank goodness for bonjela, panadol and frozen plastic fish!

I forgot to take photos today.

*Deb

Day 348

Ellie went on to Low Flow at around 8am this morning. She absolutely hates having her face touched (fair enough after all she has been through) and it was quite a struggle to change all the tape and prepare her for the new prongs. After quite the struggle, she forgave us and seemed quite interested in what must be a very different feeling breath support.

Her saturation was excellent (as expected) and she has been monitored closely all day to keep an eye on her breathing. Her biggest hurdle will be to not tire out trying to breathe without the pressure of high flow helping her.

We should have more of an idea overnight and tomorrow, but so far so good.

*Matt

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my new low flow look 

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Finally, they have stopped touching my face!

Day 340

Despite our big move and being away from our familiar ward, Ellie was in a great mood today. Her oxygen saturation still isn’t up to it’s normal standards, but she had a lot more energy and was much less whingy (well until the afternoon anyway).

We had a great time and because Ellie was just stuck with me for most of the day (normally she gets lots of visitors) we had to make up our own fun. I think we succeeded.

It also seems a little clearer as to how long we will be here. Generally, there are no long termers on this ward, so as soon as Ellie’s cold is given the all clear we will be moved off again….hopefully back to where we were before.

*Matt

(Hannah and her amazing mum trying to keep sick kids happy, and Ellie on either side growing up quickly)

Ellie has really learned to love dancing, it has become a way for her to communicate that she is enjoying something.

She has even started dancing when I read to her…..which is cute, but also counterproductive.

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Ellie already loves selfies.

Day 339

When I came in to hospital last night I was preparing myself for a tough weekend with a sick little bub. I still got my tough weekend, but not for the expected reasons.

Ellie had her high flow increased to 6 litres, which is a bit of a blow to our hopes of having her home soon (as she could’t handle a common cold without extra support), but it also meant she is much brighter and happier. In fact, despite the rivers of mucus, Ellie is as bright, happy and playful as I have ever seen her. She really is such a joy and brings so much light into this world.

Today, however, was still particularly difficult because we have had to move wards unexpectedly. One of our fears of having to move rooms was recently abated when we were told we could keep the isolation room for social reasons (mainly so Hannah can be with her sister). That decision was trumped today, when a patient needed to come from emergency and had a particular need that required them to be in Ellie’s ward. Because Ellie is currently sick she could not move out to the normal ward rooms, which meant she needed to be taken to not just a new room, but  a whole new ward, 2 floors up from her current one.

Firstly, it was a mammoth task. There were 9 full loads of ‘stuff’ to take up, it is amazing how much you can accumulate over 11 months. Secondly, Ellie had to be taken up which is always an adventure in itself. We ended up giving up on the portable breathing tanks and Ellie just had some time off (she hasn’t been having this recently because of her cold). It was quite a stressful situation as it all happened very quickly, but Ellie seemed to take it all in her stride.

Apart from the huge effort, there are more difficult parts to leaving the ward. We have developed some really good relationships with the nurses down there, and it went a long way to making the hospital feel like a home. Now we have to start again. On top of this, Deb and I felt like C1south was Ellie’s final leg of the race, and we were working towards moving from there to our real home, but it is not to be.

There are also some immediate difficulties with the new ward. We are a long way from the nurses desks, so far that her alarms will not be heard. Our previous luxuries of ducking out for some fresh air while Ellie slept, look very unlikely in this situation. There were also two afternoons where Ellie would stay under the watchful eye of the nurses desk, while Deb and I crossed over for hospital shifts. We will also have to rethink how we do that.

There is some talk of moving her back down when they have room, but I fear this is the wish of the nurses and not necessarily possible for management.

All in all, it has been a difficult finish to a very trying week. Deb is currently at home with sick kids as she tries to recover from a shocker week in the hospital with the girls.

This all probably sounds very dreary, so I will finish with a few things to keep it in perspective:

  • We have four amazing, beautiful, bright, loving children
  • We will one day have them all home and will appreciate every minute of it
  • We have the rest of our lives to enjoy our beautiful twin girls who were not meant to be around at all.

Thanks as always to those who continue to rally around us in this story. It started off quite dramatic and action packed, but you have all been so faithful through these recent repetitive and tedious chapters.

*Matt

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Ellie reminding me of how to have fun despite the struggles.

Day 333

Nothing amazing happened today. If I am to be honest, the monotony of the hospital routine is a little difficult for me. Nothing particularly hard or trying, but just the same thing over and over. But Ellie takes it all in her stride and is making the most of her life in the hospital. Today she was struggling a little with her reflux and is only sleeping when she gets to the point of exhaustion.

When she isn’t overtired she is busily looking for ways to entertain herself, or more to the point, people to entertain her. She is lucky to have made so many good friends.

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Ellie trying to work out how to call Hannah….I don’t think she has paid her bill this month.

Day 318

Ellie had a great day today. She has changed so much over the week and I really noticed the difference today from last week. She is bigger, her eating has improved dramatically, she is sitting up better again, and today she decided to show daddy her newest trick….Dancing! I was making silly sounds, which is nothing out of the ordinary for me, and Ellie took a particular fancy to a clicking sound I made with my tongue. Soon enough, it turned into a game and, for the rest of the day, Ellie would dance on cue whenever I made the sound! It was great fun and a side to Ellie we haven’t seen before.

Her bolus feeds increased today to 120mls every 4 hours which means her overnight feed will be two hours shorter (10pm-6am).

Ellie charming some visitors today with her smiles during a tour of the fairy garden.